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July 15, 2005
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Shall I compare thee to high winters night?
Thou art more icy and grey.
Colder is thine heart, than winters chilled height.

In winter, light doth die away.
In winter forever, under a lunar gaze,
Nimbo Stratus doth hide her shame.

The earth doth shimmer under an icy glaze,
And all life begins to wain.

Thy infernal winter doth not dwindle,
Even in summer doth reveal its face.

If thou was eternal, life woulds't not kindle.
From autumn to spring thy rules't this place.

Life doth wither before thine eyes,
Never revealing thine wicked disguise.
:iconcaptainozz:
A little bit of an experiment... a prize for the first person to figure out the poem

apart from the fact that its a sonnet (and my first sonnet at that!)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsorcerersapprentice:
Holy shit!
This is good Ozz!!
Can I try and put it to music sometime?
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
For sure, catch me on MSN sometime, we'll discuss it.
Reply
:iconadmytica:
sonnetwise, there is a lot to disagree with here. the fact that many of your lines has less than the set number of syllables, and the fact that your iambic pentameter is all over the place, for instance.

I like your use of middle/archaic english, but it's not perfect. if you plan to use it more, this link [link] would probably help you out.

else, it's not bad at all :9 best of luck in the contest!
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
Unfortunately I know that the iambics ect are totally off, but I juts couldn't get it to say what I wanted by sticking to the rules.
What did I miss with the language?
Reply
:iconadmytica:
not much, really :) it should have been 'thou wast' in the fifth stanza, but that was mainly it I think.
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:iconcaptainozz:
Ahh, thanks.
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:iconadmytica:
you're welcome :)
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:iconenigma26:
The words here are very powerful, and you successfully convey a lot of negative emotion here. And clever use of our dear friend Bill S., I'm sure he'd be proud.

That said, less than half of it is in iambic pentameter. To be a real sonnet, it would all need to be. You might wanna work on that.
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:iconcaptainozz:
Thank you very much, though being a freeverse writer I found it hard to stick to all the rules of a sonnet, and this being my first, I reckoned I did well, if bending the rules just a little.
I did try to stick to iambic but I couldn't quite get it to read right.
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:iconpyroclasticataclysm:
It's a nice and devastating poem...
It's like an intellectual "The Day Before Tomorrow..."... or after... I don't know, I never saw it really, but it's about global warming. That's my guess.
Even if I'm wrong, I like it. I like it less, but I still like it. Nevermind that, for me to like it, if I'm wrong, I'll have to know what it's really about to determine whether or not I still like it. Well, that's rude and untrue.
I Do like it and even if I'm wrong I'll STILL like it.
But it'll be devastating.
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