Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconcaptainozz: More from CaptainOzz


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
July 20, 2006
File Size
1.2 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
993
Favourites
29 (who?)
Comments
53
Downloads
53
×


No longer she draws,
her pencils lay restless on an empty easel.

The crude colour'd water,
stagnant, dust covered,
enfolds a waterlogged paintbrush
in its murky, liquid grasp.

No longer she draws.

The canvas remains blank,
as bleak as her emotion.

Piles of discarded work,
lay despair-smeared, forgotten
and ruined by her frustration.

Dried paint clogs her inspiration,
a flow once wild, now gone.

Not even a trickle from those pursed lips.

No creative course,
just a tear drop,
from eyes which once transcribed her feelings,
that now gives away her heart.

Her hands once wrought artistic means
now lay in disuse- pale by her side.

The works near finished
lays upturned and ruined.

Meant to be a self-portrait,
is now self-despair
and scrawled across her smiling face,
spidery letters, carved from pain read;

"Happiness fades away."
A poor excuse for a description this is, I haven't a clue what to put!
Pointless waste of space really, enjoy the poem folks!

Edited 03 March 07 & 17 May 07.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlillith-sweetblood:
Lillith-Sweetblood Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2007
mmn. Now this is me.

it's torture.
Reply
:iconrider-on-the-storm:
rider-on-the-storm Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007
so true
Reply
:icontaeos:
Taeos Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007
Nice work mate. Jolly good show!
Reply
:icondancing-naked:
Dancing-Naked Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007   General Artist
My only regret is that I cannot give it another golden star, wonderful work x
Reply
:iconserenitys-archangel:
Serenitys-Archangel Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2006
I like how it does not rhyme with every sentence like alot of my own. the method you are using is basically just open, you are writing what you feel, and you can definately feel that emotion in it. I like this, nicely written with good views. Lets hope she gets her inspiration back, and let her draw again!
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2006
Hah, well, we can hope.
Reply
:iconjamaya:
Jamaya Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2006
I can feel the sadness coming through on it
Reply
:iconackkarin:
Ackkarin Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2006  Student Writer
An enchanting piece, its very good!
Reply
:iconanextraordinarygirl:
anextraordinarygirl Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
this is a nice description. I think you use the word "flow" way too much in stanzas 7 and 8. You can find a few words that mean the same thing but are a bit differently nuanced, I'd bet. I agree with a previous commenter about the "colour'd" issue - its distracting, and you don't repeat that method elsewhere.

"despair-smeared" that's a pretty phrase.

its a little confusing that you say "No longer she draws." right after describing resting paintbrushes, etc. wouldn't "No longer she paints" be more appropo?

"The masterpiece she just finished..." something weird about the use of "masterpiece" I don't know why - I guess its not a masterpiece if its been ruined, and like, the scene is a mess of discarded art efforts, and then all of a sudden there's a masterpiece. :shrug: out of plae somehow.

my favorite image:
"The crude colour'd water,
stagnant, dust covered,
enfolds a waterlogged paintbrush
in its murky embrace."
altho I think "embrace" could be replaced with something a bit more water-like. I can't reconcile water embracing something in a container like that.

your ending is a little anticlimactic I think. "Happiness fades away"? that's it? I guess I was hoping for a more profound truth or a real concrete reason why her artistry has died. this is a nice descriptive piece, tho.

:heart:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006
Much much much appreciated.

Will work on the suggestions.
Reply
Add a Comment: