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No longer she draws,
her pencils lay restless on an empty easel.

The crude colour'd water,
stagnant, dust covered,
enfolds a waterlogged paintbrush
in its murky, liquid grasp.

No longer she draws.

The canvas remains blank,
as bleak as her emotion.

Piles of discarded work,
lay despair-smeared, forgotten
and ruined by her frustration.

Dried paint clogs her inspiration,
a flow once wild, now gone.

Not even a trickle from those pursed lips.

No creative course,
just a tear drop,
from eyes which once transcribed her feelings,
that now gives away her heart.

Her hands once wrought artistic means
now lay in disuse- pale by her side.

The works near finished
lays upturned and ruined.

Meant to be a self-portrait,
is now self-despair
and scrawled across her smiling face,
spidery letters, carved from pain read;

"Happiness fades away."
A poor excuse for a description this is, I haven't a clue what to put!
Pointless waste of space really, enjoy the poem folks!

Edited 03 March 07 & 17 May 07.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlillith-sweetblood:
Lillith-Sweetblood Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2007
mmn. Now this is me.

it's torture.
Reply
:iconrider-on-the-storm:
rider-on-the-storm Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007
so true
Reply
:icontaeos:
Taeos Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007
Nice work mate. Jolly good show!
Reply
:icondancing-naked:
Dancing-Naked Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2007   General Artist
My only regret is that I cannot give it another golden star, wonderful work x
Reply
:iconserenitys-archangel:
Serenitys-Archangel Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2006
I like how it does not rhyme with every sentence like alot of my own. the method you are using is basically just open, you are writing what you feel, and you can definately feel that emotion in it. I like this, nicely written with good views. Lets hope she gets her inspiration back, and let her draw again!
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2006
Hah, well, we can hope.
Reply
:iconjamaya:
Jamaya Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2006
I can feel the sadness coming through on it
Reply
:iconackkarin:
Ackkarin Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2006  Student Writer
An enchanting piece, its very good!
Reply
:iconanextraordinarygirl:
anextraordinarygirl Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
this is a nice description. I think you use the word "flow" way too much in stanzas 7 and 8. You can find a few words that mean the same thing but are a bit differently nuanced, I'd bet. I agree with a previous commenter about the "colour'd" issue - its distracting, and you don't repeat that method elsewhere.

"despair-smeared" that's a pretty phrase.

its a little confusing that you say "No longer she draws." right after describing resting paintbrushes, etc. wouldn't "No longer she paints" be more appropo?

"The masterpiece she just finished..." something weird about the use of "masterpiece" I don't know why - I guess its not a masterpiece if its been ruined, and like, the scene is a mess of discarded art efforts, and then all of a sudden there's a masterpiece. :shrug: out of plae somehow.

my favorite image:
"The crude colour'd water,
stagnant, dust covered,
enfolds a waterlogged paintbrush
in its murky embrace."
altho I think "embrace" could be replaced with something a bit more water-like. I can't reconcile water embracing something in a container like that.

your ending is a little anticlimactic I think. "Happiness fades away"? that's it? I guess I was hoping for a more profound truth or a real concrete reason why her artistry has died. this is a nice descriptive piece, tho.

:heart:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006
Much much much appreciated.

Will work on the suggestions.
Reply
:iconanextraordinarygirl:
anextraordinarygirl Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: glad to be of service ;)

:heart:
Reply
:iconnathd5:
nathd5 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2006   Writer
I really liked it. Fantastic job. Your very good at descriptions.
Reply
:iconxiccibanx:
xiccibanx Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Such a sad poem, but nicely defined.
Reply
:iconrandomgoth:
RandomGoth Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Simply beautiful, and very true, the same can happen to writers. You have described this soo beautifully.
:+fav:
Blessed Be.
~RandomGoth
Reply
:iconarliddian:
arliddian Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
Overall, I really liked this piece. It conveyed a real, deep sense of loss and blankness, and I loved the imagery you used.

There are a few things I didn't like so much about it, though, and mostly it's just nitpicky things.

I felt that the use of the word 'just' in the lines "a flow once wild, now just gone" and "The masterpiece she just finished" interrupts the solemn, sad tone of the piece a little, sort of like a tiny hiccup in the middle of a speech. The word isn't completely necessary in either lines - the rhythm and flow still work without them, and the meaning remains the same.

It's probably unnecessary to contract "coloured" to "colour'd" - nobody would pronounce the 'ed' syllable when saying the word anyway and you haven't shortened any other 'ed'-words.

I've only got a few punctuation suggestions to go. A full stop or some other form of punctuation (comma, dash perhaps) would help the pause there, and draw more attention to those first two lines.

Piles of discarded work.
lay despair-smeared, forgotten.
Ruined by her frustration.

I think in this stanza, it would be better to leave out the full stop in the first line. The line break works a pause enough, and the sentences themselves don't really make sense in fragments like that. I can see why the full stop is placed after 'forgotten', but again I think it would move into the next line better with a comma or a dash.

No creative flow,
just a tear flow.
From eyes which once transcribed her feelings
now give away her heart.

I think this stanza would make more sense without the full stop after "flow" - again, the line break isolates the idea well enough, and the lines flow on better and make more sense.

Her hands once wrought creativity
now lay in disuse, pale by her side.

These lines don't quite make sense. "Her hands once wrought creativity" is past tense, and then "now lay in disuse" is in present tense - not a very smooth transition. My suggestion is to place a dash or comma (I seem to love them, don't I?) after "creativity", then replace "now" with "they". It will still convey the same image and message you have here, just connect the two lines more smoothly.

I really love the repetition on "she no longer draws" in the first half!

That's it - as I said, a bit nitpicky, but I've done my best. Hope it was helpful! :)
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
I agree with all your critique except the one on "Now just gone."

This is not supposed to flow, its 3 single sylable words used as a short sharp shock.

Thankyou however for the rest of the critique, marvellous stuff for me to work on.

Thanks again,

Ozz :)
Reply
:iconarliddian:
arliddian Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
No problem - as long as you've got a reason for it. I can see how it works now - thanks for the clarification.

Glad I helped :)
Reply
:iconblackorchid5583:
blackorchid5583 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
Beautifully written, :love: it!! :+fav:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
Thankyou very much.
Reply
:iconblackorchid5583:
blackorchid5583 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2006
Your welcome:D
Reply
:iconoriginill:
originill Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006   Writer
hah, the painters lament as told by the poet. endearing and absolutely beautiful. bravo.
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
Much appreciated, thankyou.
Reply
:icondamien-thorn:
damien-thorn Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
yeah dude, this pure genius.
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
Thanks man, means a lot to me :aww:
Reply
:iconrosesoliloquy:
RoseSoliloquy Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2006
very very amazing! i love this! :+fav:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
Thank you very much, appreciated.
Reply
:iconrosesoliloquy:
RoseSoliloquy Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2006
you're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconbyrnfri:
byrnfri Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2006
I really like this :)

:+fav: from me.
Reply
:iconnevergetfooledagain:
nevergetfooledagain Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2006  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh, wow, hon...this is one of the best I've seen from you. :hug: Well done, love!! :clap: :smooch:
Reply
:iconalcohol-user:
alcohol-user Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2006
been there, a room full of unfinnished art works while drowning in a bottle, heh i gotta fav this peice, exelent work as always mate
Reply
:iconmadles:
MadLes Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
awesome poem ben :glomp: mummy likes ...... 13 now
Reply
:iconlionesspride:
LionessPride Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006  Student Filmographer
beautiful wording :clap: fantstic!!!!!
Reply
:icon3vil-pho3nix:
3VIL-PHO3NIX Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
NICE ONE!!!! love it !!
Reply
:iconinfernal-raynata:
infernal-raynata Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
I love the wording to this and the imagery, i can almost see the character. I can also see myself in this poem.. good work ben :)
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Thanks lucy.
Reply
:iconelizabethsinclair:
ElizabethSinclair Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Don't know why you self-depreciated this one...it is a gem. Needs just a bit of editing to make it tight. Wonderful concept and imagery and insight!

Elizabeth
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Comments would be appreciated
Reply
:iconelizabethsinclair:
ElizabethSinclair Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Which kind are you looking for?
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Whatever you can give me.
Reply
:iconelizabethsinclair:
ElizabethSinclair Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
If you can send the poem to me in a note, I could go over it in more detail for you and send it back....:)
Reply
:iconl0stwhispers:
l0stwhispers Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
Aw gee... that's lovely. Very touching indeed. I love the way you described the whole scenario. =) Made it seem so real.

One thing though, it's "stagnant", not "stagnent". =)

Awesome stuff. =D
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Thanks fay-fay. Will edit it out.
Reply
:iconl0stwhispers:
l0stwhispers Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2006  Hobbyist Writer
M'pleasure hun. =D
Reply
:iconpunk-rock-chick:
Punk-rock-chick Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
it's too amazing for words :heart:
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconpunk-rock-chick:
Punk-rock-chick Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
No problem ;P
Reply
:iconmisslost:
misslost Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2006
wow :wow:
its beautiful
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Thankyou,as always.
Reply
:iconkaezi:
Kaezi Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2006   Writer
Although I have no art that is not in written form uploaded yet, I use paint and pencils and everything such a lot. It's heartwrenching, so ...I don't know how to explain it. It gives a feeling of intense sadness at her frustration. You are a stranger viewing the room, but you understand so harshly, so ....somethingly.

Aye. I cannot explain. Not more than my chest feels hollow with a pang and an ache, and I can almost see the way the shadows drop across her, and the canvas sprawled across the floor. And it draws my brows up together, and my lashes heavy.

Wonderful.
Reply
:iconcaptainozz:
CaptainOzz Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2006
Thankyou very much, I just hope I didn't offend any artists.
Reply
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